Beauty in the Brokenness- Christian Women (Bible Study, Faith, Sexuality, Freedom from Shame)

Healing Trauma Without Closure with Lisa Saruga

• Teresa Whiting • Episode 138

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What do you do when justice and closure never come? In this episode of Beauty in the Brokenness, trauma therapist and author Lisa Saruga shares her powerful story of surviving violent trauma, the reopening of her cold case decades later, and how God’s goodness is not dependent on justice or resolution. Together, we explore trauma healing, PTSD vs. PTSI, post-traumatic growth, and how Scripture anchors us when life remains unresolved. A hope-filled conversation for anyone navigating trauma, faith, and healing.

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SPEAKER_00:

And in my mind, at that moment, I was like, God opened my case because I'm going to get justice in this lifetime in the land of the living. I don't have to wait until the next lifetime. And I'm going to have closure in this lifetime. I was sure that's why the case had reopened. And of course, I didn't get justice in this lifetime. And we're not guaranteed closure in this lifetime. And so, interestingly enough, when my case closed again, that day, I have scripture of the day sent to my phone. And that was the scripture that came up on my phone. I remain confident of this. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And that has just that verse has stayed with me ever since because God's goodness is all around me. And it's not dependent on justice or closure.

Teresa Whiting:

Hi, friend. If you've ever wondered how God's word connects with the messy, broken parts of your story, you're in the right place. Welcome to Beauty in the Brokenness, where we have honest conversations about the Bible, our real life struggles, and the hope God brings for healing. I'm your host, Teresa Whiting, an author, Bible teacher, and trauma-informed life coach, but mostly a friend and fellow struggler. No matter who you are or where you've been, I'm inviting you to encounter the God who is still creating beauty right in the midst of your brokenness. Well, welcome friends. I am excited to introduce you to my guest today. I'm speaking with Lisa Saruga. She is the author of the new book, The Trauma Tree: Going Beyond Survival, Growing Toward Wholeness. Lisa is a trauma therapist. She's an EMDR specialist, and she has her own story of healing from trauma. And now she helps other people do so in an abundance of ways. So Lisa, welcome to Beauty and the Brokenness and thanks for being on today. Thank you, Teresa. It's good to be here. So before we jump into the questions, would you just tell the listeners a little bit more about who you are and what you do?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I've been a school counselor actually at first for 24 years. And I'm in private practice now and I do I do trauma therapy. Specifically, I use EMDR to help people heal from their trauma and to reduce triggering. Sure. So EMDR is eye movement desensitization reprocessing. That's a mouthful. But basically what EMDR is, is it's a great tool for working with clients with trauma. Trauma impacts a certain part of our brain. It's called the amygdala. It's a part of our brain that is kind of a subconscious part of our brain. We don't have full control over it, but it really stores memories that are associated with strong emotion. And, you know, there's two things. We we overuse the word trauma and we overuse the word triggering. So trauma, let me define that really quickly. Um I talk about big T trauma and little T trauma. And big T trauma are those life-threatening, life-changing events that not everybody will experience, but um they're significant in terms of um how life is going to progress from here. And so big T trauma might be a violent crime, it might be a severe accident, it could be witnessing something that was horrific. Um, little tea trauma is not necessarily life-threatening, can be life-altering, um, but it would include things like we think of child abuse, that's traumatic, but it's not always life-threatening. It might be emotional abuse over a long period of time. Um, it's still traumatic, and it still over time will impact the brain, the amygdala, the same way. So that's what trauma is. I remember my kids coming home from school and saying, you know, lunch was horrible. It was traumatizing. That's not trauma, that's drama.

Teresa Whiting:

Okay. Well, thank you. I kind of interrupted your intro. So can you go back and just tell us a little bit more, you know, about your personal life, maybe?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure. Yeah. I'm a, as you said, I'm a uh trauma therapist. I live in a small town in Michigan. Um, I am married to Barry. I have five grown children and ten grandchildren. Um, and so life is fun. Life is really fun right now. Wow.

Teresa Whiting:

I have five kids, grown kids too. So didn't know we had that in common. So I want to get into the book that you wrote, The Trauma Tree. And I know that it's it kind of stems from your story of um the experience that you had. And if you would, Lisa, can you share part of that story as much as you're comfortable with the listeners? Sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And um I am a trauma therapist, but I'm also a trauma survivor. And I guess that's a a place to start. Um when I was 18, well, before I tell you my story, I want to just let people know. I know some there will be listeners who have experienced similar things. And I just I don't want this to be triggering for you. So I just want your listeners to, you know, put your feet on the ground. It's here, it's now, I'm okay, you're okay. Um, so I just want to start with that. Thank you. Um when I was 18, I was freshman in college and I was sleeping in my dorm room by myself one night. Um, and I woke up and discovered that there was a man in a ski mask crouched next to my bed. And um, it was horrifying, um, as you can imagine. And um what occurred over the course of that morning was I I was raped, I was knifed, and I was nearly suffocated. So it was a very violent crime. Um, he wore a ski mask and I never saw his face. So there really wasn't a whole lot of uh anything to go on to find him. Um I did everything right. I called and reported, I went to the hospital, I had the rape test kit was done. Um, but there was just no way of identifying who he was. And I handled that by saying, okay, I was okay before this, I'm gonna be okay after it, so I'm just not gonna think about it or talk about it anymore. And so at that time, I I really did not, I didn't get through my trauma. You know, we we talk about getting over things. We don't get over trauma, we have to get through it and we have to walk through those emotions, but I didn't do that at that time. I avoided it, and um, that was that worked for me for 35 years. Um, I life went on and uh I became a counselor probably because of what happened to me. Um never even told my adult children what had happened to me. And so 35 years later, we're gonna jump forward. Um I was I was really stressed one day. I was taking care of all four of our parents in our house. And um I remember getting up that morning, I was journaling, and I I said out loud, God, how much stress do you think I can handle? Not a good question. Don't ask that question. About 10 minutes later, my phone rang, and it was the police at my old college, and they were calling to tell me that they were on their way to my hometown to talk to me. So there's there's a whole story there. But what they were coming to tell me was that somebody had called the police and identified who the man was in the ski mask 35 years earlier.

unknown:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

And so my cold case was reopened. I was a trauma therapist. I knew all about post-traumatic stress symptoms, and um, you know, I helped others walk through their healing process, but I had not done my own. And in that moment was the first time I think I really knew what PTSD or PTSI feels like. Um, I I fell apart. I really did. And so it was almost as or more traumatic when the cold case was reopened and my what I thought had been my coping skills for 35 years just crumbled. So it was a learning journey.

Teresa Whiting:

Well, first I want to say I'm sorry that that happened. And also thank you. Thank you for sharing that because I know there are listeners who will resonate with that story and are probably feeling that in their bodies right now. Yeah, you know, as you mentioned. And so um, I just appreciate that so much. And kind of going from there, I know you talk about this in the book that although the case was reopened, justice was never served. Like, can you can you go on with what happened after that that point?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, what happened after, first of all, I I got into therapy and and did my own healing work. So that was that was a really positive thing. But God also used that season to open doors I never could have imagined. Um by the net by the day after I was being asked to write a book. I never had planned to be a writer, um, but I was getting that question from many people um insignificant positions of authority. Um and then I was asked to speak, and then I was asked to go to Washington, D.C. and to talk to legislators. Um, this was not within my scope of what what future held for me. But um, you know, I don't believe that God purposes for us to experience trauma in life. I really don't. It's not a punishment, it it's just happens. We live in a world where we're gonna have trouble, and the bomb the Bible promises that we're gonna have trouble. Um, but I do think God can use all things for his purposes. And I remember just crying out to the Lord, why would you bring this back up 35 years later? I was done with it. And he did have a plan. He had a plan and a and a purpose that could come from my story. Um so my story actually ends with he can never be arrested. Um, he's a a violent man, he's actually a person of interest in two rape homicides. Um and after my case was closed, it was closed a second time because of a statute of limitations that doesn't exist in Michigan anymore, but it did at the time of the attack. And so basically, you know, he won the game. He waited long enough that he's considered innocent in the eyes of the law. Um, and what I learned very quickly is the law would now protect him, but it couldn't protect me. I was notified by the attorney general's office that there were significant um concerns for my safety. That this guy knew he had been reported. He didn't necessarily know my name, but they had reason to believe he was looking for me. And the way our law is set up, the victim protection can be offered by the federal government. This is a state law, but federal government offers victim protection only if the state can get a conviction. So there was no help. It was a moment where I had to totally rely on God and figure out what the next steps were. But my case outlined really well where we have some gaps and some loopholes in the laws that make it almost impossible to prosecute rapists. Only two and a half percent of rapists go to go to jail in our country. And when my case reopened, it was in the middle of the Larry Nasser trials. Uh, it was there was a lot going on in the media. The Me Too movement was in, you know, was full-blown at that point. And I really think that God's timing was intentional. You know, he opened this at a time where I could go to legislators and say, here's what happened to me. This is why we're not getting convictions, and here's what you can do about it. And um, God continued to open those doors, and I I've been an advocate ever since, and both in my state and at the federal government. Wow.

Teresa Whiting:

I I have so many things running through my head right now, it's hard to even figure out what I would like to ask you next. But it's hard for me to to wrap my mind around the fact that they had the person and he won. Um that that's really difficult. Um, I did you say two percent of rates? Two and a half percent. Prior to me too, that was uh half a percent. I don't I don't understand that, but I but I do understand that that has kind of propelled you into you know seeking advocacy, being an advocate for people who um tell us a little bit about that work that you do.

SPEAKER_00:

So again, God. Um on the 35th anniversary of that attack, my code case was still opened at that time. And um, I just thought, you know, I had never acknowledged the anniversary of it, but it being in the thick of another investigation, it was heavily on my mind. And and I thought I'm not gonna just sit here and be down because it's the 35th anniversary. I'm gonna do something. And so I started calling legislators and writing to legislators and calling attorneys and um just uh just trying to see what can be done to make people aware that rapists don't go to jail, right? And um, I called my state representative um because it's state laws that that determine whether or not they go to jail. Um, and he said, you know, I really think you need to talk to your federal representative. And he just happens to be in your county doing a debate in 30 minutes. And I was 30 minutes away. So I got in my car and I drove to this debate. And the very first question in this debate was about rape, which like never happens. Um, and he answered uh, his answer was just really good. And so I immediately, as I'm listening to the debate, I'm writing him a letter. And I was praying, God, you know, if you want me to get this letter to him, you're gonna have to show me how to get it to him. But I want him to hear the story and why I think that we can make a difference. And when the debate was over, it was so funny. I was walking out of this school gym, and the representative thought he recognized me and he stopped me. And he actually put people, people waiting in line to talk to him. He kind of put them to the side and said, I am so excited to see you. What do you have in your hand? And I have the letter in my hand. So I gave it to him. He called me the next morning and said, Let's do this. And so amazing. I know. This is not none of this is anything that I have done. This is all God, and I've got some other God stories I can tell you. Don't have doors that he opened that were just incredible.

Teresa Whiting:

I love that you took your painful situation and turned it into good. I mean, that this is the example of Satan meant something for evil and God is using it for good. And you are not just healing in your own self, but you are part of the rescue of other people and their healing journey.

SPEAKER_00:

So I I love that you just said that what God meant for or what he meant for evil, God meant for good. I I'm gonna, I know you're this is I'm gonna take the lead for a minute here, but it's okay. I want to I want to tell you something else that happened. The first time I went to Washington, DC, I was on the metro and I had a question because it was my first time, and I asked the guy behind me uh this question, and we talked for maybe five minutes, and he had told me he was writing a book, and I said I was writing a book too, and um we exchanged business cards. Well, it turns out it was John Kiriaco, who was the CIA whistleblower in the waterboarding incident. We've been friends ever since. Wow, he called me that night and said, I have a friend who needs to hear your story, and his friend was um an investigative reporter, Brian Ross, who used to do Dateline in 2020. And um, Brian Ross called me the next day, and we have been filming a documentary ever since. So again, God. And here's the thing is that during this process, they surveilled this guy and found out his routines and set up an opportunity for me to meet him. And so I was able to actually uh go and confront him. Are you saying the the perpetrator? Perpetrator, yeah. So we went and it was like something you'd see on TV hiding in this vehicle waiting for him to come out of the gym, and I jumped out, and it it was just such an incredible opportunity that God gave me. And I I gave him a Bible and a letter, and he didn't accept it right then, but I did mail it to him. And in the letter, it started it. The whole letter was based on what you meant for evil, God has used for good. So I just think it's so cool that you that you said that. Um, but I was able to identify so many ways that God used this for good. And and when we're healing, I think we forget that the goodness of the Lord is still here in the land of the living. And even our hardest, our hardest times can be used for his purposes and can be used for good.

Teresa Whiting:

Yeah. Yes, wow. Thank you for sharing that. So, you know, we're women and I feel like we're kind of going all over the place. You know, we kind of we kind of jumped forward into all the good that God has been doing with this situation. But I I also want to back up a little bit because you said something that I think is so important for the listeners. And this is something that's really important to me, that we cannot heal trauma by ignoring it or just thinking we're getting over it. We have to go through it. I I I want to talk about that process of going through the trauma and not just, okay, it's over, it's done. And now look at all the good things God is doing. But what what was that process like? And what for the listener who's saying, I've got unprocessed trauma. And I just want to say to the listeners, just Because you're not thinking about it, or just because you're not crying about it, doesn't mean it's healed. You know, it's still in there unless you've done the work to heal it. So can you talk a little bit, Lisa, about the process of healing?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, there's so many things that we can do to help that process. And many of those things are in the book. So hopefully people will find courage in that. But we really have to walk through those emotions. And for me, that journey involved journaling, um, finding a godly counselor who really could, in a healthy way, take me through the emotions to the other side. Um, and also just trusting my family and friends and talking with them. You know, when when my incident first occurred, nobody talked about it. You know, after about a week, nobody was talking about it. And it was, they probably were talking about it, but they weren't talking to me about it. I think they were trying to, you know, protect my feelings. But from the perspective of somebody who's been through a trauma, when people stop talking about it, we can convince ourselves it was no big deal. And it was a big deal. And even if we try to, if we can consciously believe it was no big deal in our subconscious, and that amygdala I was talking about, it's still there, it's fresh and it's held on to forever until we process it. So um, yeah, so counseling, including others, journaling, um getting the rest that we need, meeting our basic needs while we walk through the really tough stuff. Those are the big, big components to it.

Teresa Whiting:

Yes. And I will have links to your book. It'll be in my weekly podcast update. It will be in the show notes. So, listener, you will want to get a hold of that. Um, one of the things you talk about is the difference between PTSD and PTSI. And I would love for you to explain what you mean by that and why is that important to you?

SPEAKER_00:

So, as therapists, when we make a diagnosis, we we use a book called the DSM. And it's just a diagnostic code book, just like your doctor would use. And post-traumatic stress disorder is a diagnosis that we would use. But many of us in the field think that that's kind of a misnomer. Um, when I think of a disorder, I think of something that I'm born with that is treatable, maybe not curable, right? Or maybe we can take some medications for it. Post-traumatic stress is not a disorder that we're born with, it's an injury that happens to us. And it's not even a disorder in turn, you know, when I think of disorder, I think something's wrong with the brain. Um the symptoms of post-traumatic stress injury are normal responses to an abnormal situation. It's not a it's not a dysfunctional brain, it's a brain that's been injured. And there's actually studies that have shown how the amygdala grows and the hippocampus shrinks. I mean, there's ways that the brain is actually injured when we experience a big T trauma or extended little T traumas. Um and I would like to see, many of us would like to see that that label changed in the DSM to acknowledge that this is an injury and not a disorder. When I think about, you know, people in the military, when they're injured, if let's say they're exposed to a loud noise and they have an inner ear injury, they get a purple heart for that injury. But when they have post-traumatic stress disorder, they don't get a purple heart. That's not seen as an injury. And I I just think that the the wording, the language that we use can be detrimental to the person who's experienced the trauma. I I think that we need to recognize this as an injury. I appreciate that.

Teresa Whiting:

I think that's a really different way to think about it. And it's an important way that, and even the way we think about people and we look at people and we see, you know, maybe their responses that we don't understand, or their way of doing things that we don't understand. If we could understand, like they're they're responding out of an injury, or you know.

SPEAKER_00:

And you know, the good news is injuries can be healed. And there there is healing for post-traumatic stress injury. I love that. I love that.

Teresa Whiting:

Um, you talk about post-traumatic growth. So I'm assuming that's the healing you're talking about. Can you t tell just a little bit of what that looks like, that post-traumatic growth?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you know, we often hear whatever whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And and that is so not true. Um, about 40% of people who experience trauma do not have growth. They they have injury and they and suffering. And it it's um, I think we need to recognize that not everybody is made stronger by trauma, right? Um, but there is a study done by Tadeshi and Calhoun on post-traumatic growth, and they were able to identify five different ways that we can grow through trauma, um, and that the signs of that growth. And what I love about this model that they came up with is that um science met Christianity. As it always does, it does. I love that. So they they came up with things like you know, it's signs of growth, greater appreciation for life. You know, I almost died, so now life means a whole lot more to me right now. Um, relationships with others change. Sometimes they grow, sometimes we have to prune back some of our relationships. Um, we see new possibilities in life, we recognize our personal strengths. And I I always say the sweetest byproduct of acknowledging your personal strength is that we become optimistic. And so those are the first four. But the fifth thing was this study and they they included many people who had experienced trauma, and those who found growth, there was a significant spiritual change. And what they found is that those who um relied on prayer and a reliance on God had more growth than those who did not have any faith. And so um, so yes, growth is possible. And if I want to stress that if you're part of that 40% that did not grow through trauma, it's not too late. It's not, it's never too late. We can still do our own healing, we can find that growth. Yes.

Teresa Whiting:

Um, how has God's word been a source of encouragement for you? Do you have an anchor scripture or you know, is there something that you've held tightly to? And what has that meant to you?

SPEAKER_00:

So the scripture first that always comes to mind first is Psalm 27, 13. Um, I remain confident of this that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And when my case was reopened, I I know I said I really experienced that post-traumatic stress. And my husband, bless him, um it was the 4th of July. The case had just been reopened. I was not doing well, and he said, We're gonna do anything you want today. What do you want to do? And I burst into tears and said, I want to run away. And he said, Okay, where do we want to go? And I said, I just want to be alone and I don't know where I want to go. And my husband helped me pack my bags in the car, and he said, You don't have to tell me where you're going, but let me know you're okay when you get there. So he helped me run away. And what I did when I ran away, I this creative side of my brain was like, life is upside down and inside out. I'm gonna journal that way. So I bought some black paper and white pens, and I was, I just went, I went back to the scene of the crime, was where I went. And the very first thing I wrote was Psalm 27, 13. I'll see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And in my mind, at that moment, I was like, God opened my case because I'm gonna get justice in this lifetime in the land of the living, and I don't have to wait until the next lifetime. And I'm gonna have closure in this lifetime. I was sure that's why the case had reopened. And of course, I didn't get justice in this lifetime, and we're not guaranteed closure in this lifetime. And so, interestingly enough, when my case closed again that day, I have scripture of the day sent to my phone, and that was the scripture that came up on my phone. I remain confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And that has just that verse has stayed with me ever since because God's goodness is all around me, and it's not dependent on justice or closure. Um and I think the healing process, part of the healing process is to move from focusing inward on how we're feeling to focusing back outward to life, this lifetime, and and recognizing that God's goodness is still there for us.

Teresa Whiting:

I love that. I love that passage. I love the way you explain that we can still see his goodness even when we don't get the resolution we we wanted. Yeah, it doesn't mean he's not good. Oh, so good. Um okay, you were talking about turning outward. I think it's so, so, so easy for victims to turn inward, to just be like, no, I have to heal. I need to focus on myself. Is there a place for that? And and when is the time to turn outward? And and what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00:

All of that. First of all, I'm thank you for using the word victim. There are so many people who avoid that word, you know, don't victimize yourself. It's this bad word. But when we've experienced trauma, we're first a victim. And in our victimness, of course, we're going to turn inward. We're hurting, we're wounded, and we're going to focus on that everything in those first days are is focused through the lens of our grief and our trauma. Um, and that's okay at first, but some of us tend to stay there focused on what's going on within us. And um it's very healing when we can finally go, okay, I need to look outside of me. What's going on in the world? What's going on with other people? How can I maybe jump in and help somebody or do something that's not related to my own trauma? That's a significant part of our healing. And uh, I love the scripture verse, 2 Corinthians 1, 3, 3, and 4. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, and this is where I love it, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we've received from God. I love the word so that. Like there's a reason that God comforts us, and it's so that we know how to comfort others, right? And when we can turn outside of ourselves and start to comfort others, our healing now has purpose. We have experienced God's comfort so that we know how to comfort other people. And I think that that's just such a significant part of our healing. It doesn't happen right away, and the thing that we need to keep in mind is we have to first experience comfort in healing ourselves before we can offer that to other people. So it's not something that I say we have to do right away, looking outside of ourselves. We have to heal inside first. But then the ultimate healing is when we are able to then go and help others.

Teresa Whiting:

Yes. The way the way I like to describe it is, you know, we've been wounded, we've got this bloody, gaping wound, but then it heals and we have a scar. And I think so many people they want to hide that scar instead of saying, Look, look, I was wounded, but I've been healed. Look at what God's done for me. And you can heal too. And there's so many people out there who have still an open wound where you have a scar and you can come alongside that person and say, healing is possible, but that requires vulnerability. It requires openness, and sometimes that's scary. And I think people are scared. Oh, but if they knew, and I think that's a lie. I mean, I'm getting a little bit excited here though. I think that's a lie that Satan puts in our heads. Oh, if they only knew, you know, what happened to you, you'd be, you'd be on the outs, or they would think this of you, or they would judge you when really they're just waiting for you to say, yeah, yeah, me too. And then they can say, Oh, oh wow, I'm not the only one. And and I just want to encourage the listeners who have experienced a measure of healing, who have seen, you know, those wounds turn into scars, that to not be afraid to share that with people, to not be afraid to step alongside somebody else and say, Hey, I've been here, I've been where you are. Let's walk this road together, let's walk toward healing together. And I just, that's something I'm pretty passionate about.

SPEAKER_00:

If you couldn't, well, and I think once, you know, if we can heal the wound and it becomes a scar, that's when we become the survivor, right? We we often refer to people who have experienced trauma as survivors, but not everybody does survive. Some people fail to thrive after that, they don't experience post-traumatic growth. And so once we've healed that scar and we're a survivor, that's when we want to go out and tell other people I survived and you can too.

Teresa Whiting:

Yes. Yeah, I was on your website recently and I saw the story of a woman who you were kind of talking about this that not everyone is a survivor who took her life because of a horrible thing that happened and there was no justice served. And and you were saying not everyone is a survivor. And I think it's important to point that out. I think that's important to know and to understand, and even makes a little bit of an urgency for those of us who have healed, who are survivors, to say, hey, healing is possible. I'm not gonna just sit around with this scar and cover it up. I'm gonna let people know that healing is possible.

SPEAKER_00:

So and I would expand on that. Healing is possible even when we don't get a happy ending. That's the I think so many people say, you know, I'll forgive if they apologize, or I'll get well if this thing happens. Sometimes we don't get those happy endings and those nice, tidy, um tied, tied up tidy. Yes, yeah. And um, but healing is still within our reach, and the goodness of the Lord is still out here in the land of the living. So don't give up. Yes.

Teresa Whiting:

Um, and I know we're kind of going back and forth still, but uh there's a there's a question I had that I wanted to ask because we talked about some signs of growth, but there's also coping mechanism coping mechanisms that people use that are ineffective and they're pretty common. Maybe you could talk a little bit about those, just maybe people can identify, oh, that's a coping mechanism and it's not working for me.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I call them artificial coping uh mechanisms because um there are things that seem like they're going to help us cope, but in the long run, they don't at all. And of course, the first thing that comes to mind is substance abuse, alcoholism, and substance abuse. Um we go there as a coping mechanism because it deadens the pain in the moment, but it's causing more problems for us in the long run. It's not a coping mechanism that works. Um, and so, and actually, the the woman that I talk about on my website who took her life did that with alcohol. And um feeling good in the moment is not helpful to us in the long run because remember, we have to go through it, right? And those are coping mechanisms that are keeping us from going through it. Um, we also sometimes turn to unhealthy relationships after a trauma, especially if the trauma involved maybe the loss of somebody or a divorce or rejection of some type, then we sometimes are looking for to replace that love. And we go into unhealthy relationships that make us feel good in the moment, but down the road they're harmful. Um, so as we as we talk about coping, it's important to look at coping mechanisms and techniques that are gonna serve you well in the long run, that are going to not they're gonna pull you through the trauma. It might be harder, but in the long run, they're gonna serve us better.

Teresa Whiting:

Yes. Yes. Lisa, where can people find you online? Like how can they get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00:

Where do you hang out online? Uh so I'm on pretty much everything social media under Lisa Saruga. Um, and my website is Lisasaruga.com, and I would love it if people would go there. Um, I do offer some tools. If you email subscribe, um, I'm gonna send you some journaling techniques. Journaling is an excellent tool, but it can go south if you're focused only on the negative. So it's a way of journaling that includes God in the conversation. And also you'll get a playlist that is just a very calming list of it's a set of music that's very calming and healing and kind of follows all the concepts in the book. So I want people to have those resources.

Teresa Whiting:

And I have to ask because I was on your website poking around and I saw the jewelry. Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Tell tell me about the jewelry. Okay. So um there's two things you can buy jewelry. Um, and actually, I need to update that because my jewelry is a little different now. Um I'm gonna show you. I have one on. I'm gonna can I I know that your audience can't see it. Yes, this is going on YouTube. It's okay. It's it's beaded jewelry, and I use all natural stone. And I don't know if you can see this, but each piece has got a sledgehammer and a heart, and it's demolishing hearts of stone. And if you look closely at the the hammer is actually a gavel, so there's a a nod to justice in there too. Um, so I do sell that, and then I think the thing that I sell that is most meaningful to people is I came up with a brighter future journal. It's a black page journal with white pens. And um, because what I found in in journaling using the technique that I write about, um, God and I wrote a brighter future onto those darker pages. And I want people to be able to do that same thing. I love that.

Teresa Whiting:

I love that. I'm gonna have links to your shop in the in the shop because I just I was like, wait, what is this demo demo day earrings or you know, yeah?

SPEAKER_00:

It's all dem demolition day. I when I speak of carrier sludge hammer and we talk about demolishing hearts of stone and demolishing walls to justice and demolishing those things of. Hold us back in life. There's a story that goes with that too, but um next time. Next time, yeah.

Teresa Whiting:

Okay. Um in closing, as we wrap up this episode, um, would you just speak directly to that listener who maybe feels like they're stuck in trauma mode and they feel like they're trapped in their trauma story and they don't know how to get out of it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I think the first thing to realize is we go into survival mode first, right? Um, and survival just means we're still breathing. And I want you to know that there's so much more to life than just breathing and just surviving. There's goodness all around you, there's healing that's possible, and we don't have to stay in survival mode. We can grow through this, we can we can actually experience joy again. And it takes work, it takes time. Um don't avoid the work. Don't avoid walking through it because you're not going to walk through it alone. God's gonna be there every step of the way, and there is hope on the other side.

Teresa Whiting:

Thank you so, so much for for your time, for having this conversation, and just for being my guest today. Ah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

This was fun.

Teresa Whiting:

Thanks for hanging out with me today on Beauty and the Brokenness. To find anything we mentioned on the episode, including ways to connect with Lisa and a link to her book, go to Teresa Whiting.com slash episode dash one three eight to find all the show notes. In closing, I want to leave you with this prayer from number six, twenty four. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.